Monday, December 13, 2010

What are Ben Wa Balls?

I was introduced to Ben Wa Balls back in 2003… I have always liked going to the Adult Toy Stores with my guy and looking around for new stuff.  I will admit that although I know what most of the toys in the store do, whenever I saw those little balls I was baffled. 

So I decided to buy a set and then I got online and did a little research.

A really quick history of Ben Wa Balls

Ben Wa Balls originated in Japan around 500 AD and were originally used to give men a little extra pleasure during intercourse.  You know we women are smart, so we realized that not only did men benefit from the extra sensations… we could benefit as well.  The feeling of these free floating balls in the vagina caused women to become sexually aroused as well as other benefits.

Ben Wa Balls can be as small as regular marbles to about an inch in diameter.  The balls the Japanese used were metal and had mercury inside them; the movement of the mercury caused tiny sensations in the vagina and with some women, this movement could bring them to orgasm.  I have read stories of women holding Ben Wa balls in their vagina and doing housework, building their sexual arousal during the day for when their husbands came home from work.  I also read that women would sit in and rock themselves to orgasm. 

Ben Wa Balls Today

Today Ben Wa Balls are made of different types of materials… metal, plastic, latex, glass, even jade (of course mercury is no longer legal).  It is important to pick balls that do not easily collect bacteria so I suggest metal or glass.  Try to find balls that are hollow and weighted with smaller metal balls inside them; these balls move as you move causing your vaginal muscles to tighten due to the sensation.

Some women keep their Ben Wall Balls in for a few hours while others the entire day.  Beginners should probably start out with small set of balls and graduate up to larger heavier ones.  I suggest you use your balls at home before wearing them out in public.   You don’t want to lose your balls in your pants at the office and put your self in an uncomfortable situation.  J

What to do with your balls

Insert your balls into your vagina.  You can use some lube if you want to help slide them in… but I doubt that you will need to.  Once inside, they will feel no different than a tampon and within a few minutes, you will not feel them at all.  Depending on the weight of your balls when you become active, you will feel the balls jiggle inside your vagina and possibly begin to slide down.  I have never experienced the slide down feeling but I felt I should warn you just incase.  The feeling of the balls is very slight, this slight movement of the inner balls, will cause your kegel muscles to tighten.  Depending on your sensitivity, you will begin to feel aroused. 

Some balls come stringed and others are not.  I prefer the non-stringed version for cleanliness reasons.  Some women prefer the stringed version of the balls to ensure they can reach them to pull them out… but don’t worry… all you have to do is push down and the balls will come out easily… 

Benefit of the balls

  1. strengthen your muscles to stop or hold the flow of urine
    1. kegel exercises and ben wa balls are good for older women who are beginning to lose urinary control
  2. cause clitoral erection during sexual arousal
  3. rhythmically contract during sexual orgasm
  4. support the bladder, uterus and rectum

The balls work your kegel muscles and over time, will increase your sexual pleasure.  I am not sure if you noticed but the more you squeeze during intimacy the better sex feels for you and you man.  It has been proven that the stronger your kegel muscles are the more intense your orgasms will be.  I am all for stronger orgasms… lol

Using these balls is the easiest and most effective way to work out your kegel muscles because your vagina is forced to flex to keep the balls in when you are active.

You can also leave the balls in during intercourse, when your mans penis thrusts it will move the balls around inside you.  He will like the added sensation and I actually experienced my first cervical orgasm from doing this.  Men say they like the added sensation of the balls during intercourse as well. 

Ben Wa Balls and Technology
You can now purchase vibrating Ben Wall Balls… The negative of the vibrating balls is there is a control, which will make it hard to wear them in public like normal balls.  I can just picture you walking around with a remote hanging out of your pants. J  I have never tried them… but I can imagine they feel great during intercourse and will give your kegels a really good work out.   

To sum it all up… the balls are good to use while having sex and tightening your kegel muscles, which in the end makes for a more pleasurable sexual experience.  They are also good for older women who are beginning to lose urinary and bowel control.  There is no harm in using the balls everyday and with the increased activity in your vagina; you may even experience an increase in your sex drive… I know I did. 

Lastly, anytime you are trying something new with your partner it is good to communicate with your partner letting him know what it is you are doing.  Go to the Toy Store or search for them online together and share with him what you have learned in the blog.  It can be a very fun experience and exciting experience.

So until next week… Have Great Sex…. Smooches.  
“...Claim It”
Lady Tajahi –

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Do you know the Best Orgasmic Positions for Women?

Before I start telling you Tajahi’s Secrets, I just want to say thank you to all the ladies who are keeping the Tajahi Facebook page so HOT.  We have had some really good short discussions this week and I have really enjoyed the sharing we have done…. THANKS!!!!

Ok with that said… this week I want to talk to you about sex positions that are conducive to female orgasm. 

Tajahi's Pre Orgasmic Steps
Having an orgasm has not always been an easy task for me to accomplish; often I would have sex and never even come close to reaching a climax.   I realized that I had to be totally comfortable with myself, my man and have my mind right to climax during sex.  It took a lot of trial and error but once we got there, man was it great.  I decided to share some of the positions that have consistently allowed me to reach orgasm… remember that every woman is different and if you aren’t relaxed, comfortable and aroused, it won’t matter what position you do it in, your chances of reaching an orgasm will be slim.  So, before you start be sure to get your mind right with these Pre Orgasmic Readiness Steps:
  1. Relax
  2. Clear your mind of all negative sexual thought
  3. Be comfortable with and love your body (poor body perception is a huge negative factor inhibiting orgasm)
  4.  Know that you will have an orgasm (I am a strong believer in positive thought and speaking something into reality)
  5. Make sure you are totally aroused (if you aren’t aroused it will take you much longer to reach orgasm, if you do at all)

Rear Entry or Doggie Style Positions

Ok now that we have our minds right, we are totally aroused and ready to begin, here are some positions that put our men in the right spot to help us achieve our orgasm.

Rear Entry or Doggie Style

Standing Rear Entry
This is position is great due to the angle of your man, he can easily stimulate your g-spot and it leaves your hands free to stimulate your c-spot or clitoris…  Double stimulation allows for very intense orgasms.  Try variations of this position to see which ones work best for you:
  1.   Up on all fours
  2. Put your upper body down on the bed leaving your bottom in the air
  3.  Lift your upper body putting your hands on the headboard or wall
  4. Your man standing behind you on the floor, while you kneel off the edge of the bed
  5. Lay face down on the bed, tilt your hips so your bottom is up in the air and use a pillow under your hips if you are easily fatigued.  You can try this position with your mans legs either inside or outside of your legs  
  6. Standing rear entry 

Reverse Cowboy

Reverse Cowboy or  Cowgirl
This is a position that puts us in control.  We can lean back or forward allowing us to determine the right angle.  We can go as fast or as slow as we want.  If you want him to stimulate your C-spot (clit) he can but I like to do it myself.  Only I know the intensity and rhythm I need at the right moment…. so although he may want to help…  I suggest you do it yourself.

You can also practice your Kegel exercises to increase your pleasure.  He can also assist you with this position by helping you lift your body on the up and down action by placing his hands on your bottom and lifting.

Side note:  I prefer the normal, woman on top - riding position, with me facing my man but I showcased the reverse cowboy due to all the rave reviews of this position and how effective it is for ease of orgasm. 

The Tantric Raised Feet Position

Variation of the Raised Feet Position

This is a variation of the missionary position.  In this position your hips are lifted resting on your mans thighs or against his pelvis, as he kneels in front of you.  This is my favorite because I get the best G-spot stimulation in this angle, I can stimulate my C-spot, and best of all… I can totally focus on receiving pleasure and enjoying what I am feeling.  I can control the angle by tilting my hips up or down to ensure my g-spot is stimulated.  All I can say is this position is the bomb.   I am multi orgasmic so this position allows me reserve my energy and cum till I can’t take it anymore.  J 

Variation of the Raised Feet Position
You can do variations of this position as you can see in the two images above. 
  1. Your legs resting on your mans shoulders
  2. Your legs resting around his hips
  3. Your legs over your head with your knees on your shoulders
  4. Both legs either on his left or right shoulder
  5. Your legs in the air and your ankles crossed

The key to this position is for your man to be kneeling on his knees. 

I love to cum…. If I have sex and I don’t reach orgasm I am not a happy camper and my man knows that.  Fortunately, he is a pleaser and with conversation we are able to explore new positions, experience new sensations, and I must say… sex is amazingly satisfying for both of us…   So with that said… the positions above are the ones that I enjoy the most and bring me to orgasm the easiest.   I suggest you experiment and find the positions that work for you and your partner.

I also featured positions that leave your hands free to stimulate your clit to double the pleasure and I am totally all about the double pleasure.  J  Check out the earlier blog to understand the benefits of combining G-spot and Clitoral stimulation to assist you in reaching mind-blowing orgasms. 
Tajahi’s Secret:  Manual Clitoral stimulation in almost any position will allow you to reach orgasm, so get comfortable with yourself, leave preconceived notions of pleasuring yourself at the door and claim your orgasm.  Leaving your pleasure up to your man does little to help us, especially if we are having climatic issues. 

I would love to hear from you ladies… share the positions that make you cum. 

Have Great Sex until I share more of Tajahi’s Secrets next week…. smooches.  

Monday, November 29, 2010

Tajahi Talks about the Kama Sutra

I have always been a lover of books.  If you were to come to my house, you would see I have large bookshelves in every room overflowing with books on many different topics.  I believe I am actually addicted to reading and buying books.  I am always looking for something else to learn… Back in 2000 there were a lot of things going on in my life that lead me to start reading self help books.  I wanted a broader understanding of my life as well as how those around me affected me.  While looking through books in the Self-help section of a Borders Bookstore, I happened to see the section of the store that was dedicated to erotica… I remember a small red satin embroidered book that caught my attention… It looked so beautiful… It was titled the Kama Sutra.  I opened it and read a little then flipped through the pages.  The erotic Indian art I saw drew me in even more… I immediately closed the book, hid it between the other books I had picked up and purchased it.   That purchase started my collection of sexual related books that I keep in my bedroom for quick reference.  J

The Kama Sutra is an ancient Indian Hindu text on human sexuality.  The book contains information in regards to what type of male is good for what type of woman based on sex organ sizes (see illustration to the left), foreplay, oral sex, sexual positions, marriage, and how to manage relationship quarrels.   As you can see the Kama Sutra covers a broad spectrum of sexual and relationship topics.  In a previous blog we already discussed Fellatio/Blow Job Basics (which can also be found in the Kama Sutra) so today I will give you my take on a few of the positions. 

Kama Sutra Basics

There are a multitude of positions for different types of union.  There are positions for men who have a smaller penis size, for a woman with a smaller vagina, and positions for a multitude of other reasons.  According to the Kama Sutra the best male and female combinations are:
1.             Hare and Deer
2.             Bull and Mare
3.             Horse and Elephant
Yet the best unions are:
1.             Horse and Deer
2.             Horse and Mare
3.             Bull and Deer
The Kama Sutra refers to the male penis as the lingam and the female vagina as the yoni.  “The Kama Sutra puts the obligation on the man to satisfy his partner (Kiss Guide to the Kama Sutra, Anne Hooper).  Sex by today’s standards is very penis oriented… where as Kama Sutra teaches a focus on the movements our men should make during intimacy that provoke arousal of the clitoris, vaginal opening & g-spot.

Anybody got a time machine, I am ready to travel back to ancient India and enjoy the teachings of the Kama Sutra. 

Try having your man experiment with these sensual movements:
·      Moving forward: start forward penetration
·      Churning: hold and moving the penis in the vagina
·      Piercing: penetrating the vagina from above and pushing against the clit
·      Pressing: pushing forcefully against the vagina
·      Giving a blow: removing the penis and striking the vagina with it (I like that kind of blow)
·      Blow on the Bull: rubbing one side of the vagina with the penis
·      Blow of the Boar: rubbing both sides of the vagina with the penis
·      Sporting of the Sparrow: moving the penis rapidly and light in and out of the vagina

Lets talk about a few positions:
Ladies….. there are a lot of positions described in the Kama Sutra.  There are positions for different lingam and yoni sizes, positions to encourage sexual awareness, yoga positions, acrobatic positions, kneeling and lying positions, sitting positions, standing positions, positions specifically meant to please us, positions for artistic lovers… the list goes on and on.  Some positions I have tried and some I have not but I intend experiment with them all before I die.  J

For now I will focus on the Kama Sutra positions I have tried and enjoyed. 

The Placid Embrace Gaping Position, Raised Feet Posture, Union of the Oyster & Intact Posture:
I love these Ananga Ranga position variations because it puts my mans penis at a good angle to rub my g-spot while he or I can stimulate my clit for double pleasure.  This is also a good position to use when experimenting with female ejaculations techniques.  You can rest your heals on his chest and close your legs, open your legs and hold them in the air or wrap them around his back… the key is that your man needs to be kneeling and upright and your hips need to be lifted slightly to get the right angle for g-spot stimulation.  You also need to be able to reach your clit without too much effort.  I love these positions because I can easily reach orgasm a minimum of 3 times in one sexual set.   Makes smile every time I think about it. 

The Union of the Elephant:
This is another good position for G-spot stimulation.  I love this position because it is very sensual and allows my man to be close to me; he can kiss the back of my neck, shoulders, as well as turning my head and kissing me.  Close head to head contact gives a heightened feeling of arousal that is very pleasurable and euphoric.  Because of the angle of your man, his thrusts will cause him to put pressure on your g-spot, which I must say is a wonderful feeling.  J  I prefer that my mans legs are between mine (see the image to the left for variations) and I push my bottom up for better angling.  I suggest you try his legs on the inside as well as on the outside of yours, see which is more pleasurable to you. 

The Swing, Reverse Cowgirl, or the Rodeo

is another position that I have tried but will honestly say I have not perfected.  I wanted to share this position because variations of this position give us control over all aspects of what is going on.  If we are sitting in the bed it leaves our hands free to explore our own bodies and find erotic triggers that give us more pleasure. 

To keep this blog from being too long I am going to leave you with these positions and discuss more of them with you in future blogs.  To see more positions of the Kama Sutra you can view them on line at Scribd. 

The above positions are just a few that I enjoy, but I would love to hear from you on what positions you have enjoyed the most…  Tajahi will be sharing more of her secrets next week, so until then… HAVE GREAT SEX…Smooches.

***Remember, if you have a topic or a question you would like discussed in a blog... inbox me at 

Monday, November 22, 2010

What Tantric Sex?

This weeks question came from one of my Tajahi Secrets Facebook Fans

Is that Tantric and Kama Sutra stuff real?

Girl…. Yes!!!!!
Both of these subjects are broad and I could talk forever answering them so I will touch on Tantric Sex on this blog and deal with the Kama Sutra (positions and techniques) on the next. 

What is Tantra?

Tantra originated in ancient India; its focus is on the enjoyment of sexual bliss through intimacy; the attention is on totally and spiritually connecting with your partner.

“Tantra is an ancient path of self-development that regards sexual energy as the primary manifestation of our life force.  This life force is a powerful current of energy that flows through us all…  Through Tantra, you can experience love and sex as a flowing together of energies”…. Cassandra Lorius

Tantra is a deep spiritual intimate endeavor, so I am going to give you my quick very non-mystic version of how I understand it. 

Tantric Sex is the essence of turning sex into a full body and total mind conscious experience.  Tantra teaches you to feel more sensual and connected, not only to yourself but to your partner, by taking the focus away from your sex organs… I know… what???  Don’t we want to focus our energy on the organs???  According to the Tantra, by focusing our energy away from the genitals, relaxing, relinquishing control and changing your erotic and sexual habits; you will bring that energy back in a more focused and meaningful way. 

Tantra takes the sexual techniques and various positions of the Kama Sutra a step further and focuses on a couple’s spiritual ecstasy with sensual and sexual bliss.  It is about the total surrender of mental, emotional, and cultural conditioning (i.e. Sex is a sin before marriage, I don’t want the kids to hear me have sex, or negative self body image).  Sexual energy is a totally positive experience and not something that should be suppressed. This means giving up every negative thought you have ever had about intimacy… and totally giving yourself to the moment.

Tantra teaches us ways to enter into a new awareness; we become more sexually empowered, more sexually fulfilled and the extended orgasms that both you and your man will experience in this state are mind blowingly explosive. 

Some of the basic Tantra Techniques are:

Start intimacy with a ritual:  This is your time to totally focus on each other; you can make up your own rituals but if you can’t think of anything try feeding each other sweet treats in the nude, share a glass of wine, or take a shower and bathe each other.  Take your time, enjoy being in the presence of each other, empty your mind of everything, and stay totally in the moment right there with your man. 

Breathing:  Sit quietly, facing each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. Sync your breathing with your man by taking soft deep breaths.  Totally focus on your partner and the peace you are feeling while allowing your sexual energy to build. 

Prolonged foreplay: It is important to totally connect with your partner with sensual massage, long loving gazes, light kisses (I love those), and whispering words of love and encouragement.  Experiment with different types of erotic touch, tell your man where you would like to be touched, take turns so he can tell you where he would like to be touched as well.  Totally focusing on helping each other feel loved and desired. 

Keep your pace slow: The slow build will help your man control his orgasm. The longer you build your sexual energy the longer your man should be able to resist having ejaculation during intimacy.

Come back to your breathing:  Slow focused breathing, slows the process of you reaching orgasm and allows your focus to be in the moment enjoying the feel of your man as he enjoys you.

Try different sexual positions:  Exploring during sex adds to the pleasure and balances both the male and female energies.  Try positions that are Male dominant as well as positions that are Female dominant, exploring the capacity to be both strong then gentle, giving then receiving.  (I will go more in depth about female and male dominant positions in the next blog)

When experimenting with the Tantra do not worry about the right and wrong of what you and your partner are doing… the focus should always be on the intimate connection and sexual arousal between you and your man.

Through Tantric practices, men are capable of orgasm without ejaculation.  What does that mean???  It allows men to stay erect and have a series of mini orgasms without ejaculation/releasing sperm, which prolongs the intimacy… How do we women benefit from this?  Well if he can have is his mini orgasms he can stay hard longer while we orgasm through G-spot and Clitoral stimulation.  The Tantra encourages men to have orgasms with out ejaculation while it encourage us women to orgasm as many times as possible. 

There is so much more to be said about the Tantra and it is definitely worth a try if you are looking for a more sensual and loving experience with your partner.  I am including more Tantra resource links below.  

Next week we will discuss the Kama Sutra…  Juicy Stuff Ladies…  Until then HAVE GREAT SEX.  Smooches…

“...Claim It”
Lady Tajahi –

Related Tantra Links:

Monday, November 15, 2010

What is Squirting and can any woman do it?

I am always asking the Ladies to give me feedback on the blog and to inbox me their questions.  Last week I received an email that I would like to share with you as well as my answers to her questions:

The Question:
Hello Tajahi,

I have a question regarding squirting or gushing when I orgasm with my man. What is it and where does it come from?? Why can't some of my girls (besties) do it also??

Please let me know I would really appreciate any help on this subject. :D

Sexual Waterfall

What is Squirting/Gushing/Female Ejaculation?

Squirting/Gushing/Female Ejaculation is a woman’s ability to actually ejaculate fluid from the body during orgasm.  Squirting, Gushing and Female ejaculation are all the same thing.  It is called Squirting when a woman is able to actually push the fluid out and away from her body where as gushing is just that, a warm gush of fluid.

Many people seem to think that the fluid women ejaculate is urine but it isn’t.  It is clear and does not look or smell like urine.  According to Dr. Berman in her show with Oprah she explains the fluid as PSA (prostate-specific antigen).  Big words that basically mean the fluid comes the Paraurethral gland also called the Skene’s gland shown in the image to the left, but more importantly, it is NOT pee…  The very enlightening video (that I linked above so please watch it) also explains that all women ejaculate, just that for most women, the ejaculate does not come out, instead it retracts into the bladder.  The benefit of being able to squirt or gush is that those who can, experience a more intense orgasm than those who do not.

Is it possible for any woman to ejaculate?

For some woman female ejaculation is very easy and effortless, so the question is, can any woman ejaculate?  I will be honest and tell you I haven’t but according to my research any woman can ejaculate with practice.  Well all right then…  I am ready to practice, what about you?  So lets talk about some techniques.

First thing is you must know is where your G-spot is and how it feels… you can practice this with your man or on your own but you should know how it feels so you can explain it to your man in your own words.

Where is your G-spot?

The G-spot is located inside the vaginal canal.  I can find mine by inserting my finger, hooking it around and aiming for my clit from the inside.  It is normally only 2-3 inches inside the canal; the area is about the size of a quarter and enlarges with stimulation.  It will feel a bit rougher than the surrounding tissue; I think it feels like soft ridges or cottage cheese.  When pressure is applied to your G-spot you will feel sensation of needing to urinate.   As you can see from the diagram above, the G-spot is often considered the backend of your Clitoris.

Points to consider for ejaculation success
  • Attempt to reach orgasm through G-spot massage.  Honestly, this is not something I can do on my own so I suggest having your man help you out…  I am sure he will be inquisitive and want to assist you in your attempts to ejaculate.   Men can stimulate the G-spot by hooking their finger/fingers and moving them with the “come here” motion of the fingertip.  Another massage is a twist of the finger knuckle back and forth across the G-spot area.  Experiment with different types of motions and go with the ones that are most arousing to you.
  • You have to overcome your fear of urinating during your G-spot arousal… I am still working on this one.  The feeling can be overwhelming so ensuring you have emptied your bladder before you start helps.  You have to relax and go with the feeling in order to ejaculate.
  • If there is too much pressure on the urethral tract the ejaculate will do what it normally does and empty into the bladder instead of squirting or gushing out.
  • Put down a towel.  Since you do not know how much fluid you will release, it is best to protect your bed, couch, table… or whatever you are using.  This will also help you feel more comfortable knowing you won’t ruin whatever surface you might be on.
Now it is time for us to try to ejaculate
It is important to keep in mind that you may not ejaculate the first time you try and it may take several attempts before it happens.  With that said it is very important to get aroused… I like cuddling with my man, light kisses, touching arousal spots and something about face-to-face touching with my man makes me hot… but that’s me… so you do your thing.

Next, begin the G-spot massage… if you don’t have a man, use your own fingers or a toy.  A nice warm lubricated glass dildo is good for me.  It is easier to stimulate your G-spot if your toy is curved so check out this quick video explaining why.
G-spot stimulation and orgasm is key in reaching ejaculation so refer back to the information above in the “Where is your G-spot” section if you still aren’t sure where yours is.  Remember that if you are aroused the G-spot area will enlarge making it much easier to find.

If you and your man are using a toy or his fingers I suggest trying to stimulate your clit as well via his tongue or you can do it yourself with lubricated fingers… this intensifies the feeling and regardless if you squirt or not, you are bound to have a very strong orgasm from both the clitoral and G-spot stimulation.  I will just say this… when I have both areas stimulated… my orgasms are out of this world.  My man is often amazed at my reaction and how strong my orgasms can be.

Lastly and most importantly, when the time comes for you to orgasm, relax your PC muscles and push.  Yes, I said push…  It is normal for most of us to retract when we cum.  This last step will probably be the hardest but is also the most important because if you don’t push, you probably won’t ejaculate.  It is important to remember that the ejaculate is not pee and that once we relax and get past this fear, we are on the road to experiencing female ejaculation.

Tajahi's Secrets
Tajahi's Secrets

This should be enough to get us started and to my new squirter friend, “Sexual Waterfall”, I hope this answered your questions.  I will include some links below for reference and will revisit this topic again soon; sharing the best positions for female ejaculation as well as other squirting techniques.  

If you would like to share your squirting experiences, please comment on the blog and help us practicing squirters out.

In the meantime, have fun practicing, HAVE GREAT SEX and see you next week when I share more of Tajahi’s Secrets…. smooches.

“...Claim It”
Lady Tajahi –

Related Links: