Every week I talk to my girls, getting a feel for what their issues are and what I need to talk about in my blog. If you remember last week I mentioned that I would discuss some of the issues I had pointed out that women are having with their men. Therefore, this week I not only talked to my girls, I talked to the men too. I wanted to hear from them this time and get their take on how they would like to be approached when they are not pleasing their women in the bedroom. Ladies I am telling you NOW… it is time for you to be heard.
I have been there, scared to say anything because I didn’t think it was appropriate or scared that if I said something, it might hurt my mans ego… but that was a long time ago. Once I discovered how to have an orgasm during sex, I loved it and I spoke up anytime I felt like my man wasn’t doing enough to please me. I spoke up anytime he didn’t last long enough, wasn’t hard enough, wasn’t placing it in the right place… I said something! I know there will always be those times when there is an exception, he might be tired, it felt too good and he couldn’t hold it, or he was too excited, but when it happens too many times in a row, I SPEAK UP. Men will always get theirs so it is up to us to let them know that we are not getting ours. We women are difficult creatures and what might please one woman may not please another. Men listen to our cues, how we sound, how we react, and if we don’t tell them we are not satisfied, that we aren’t reaching orgasm, how will they know.
What did the men say? I spoke with 5 different men and all of them told me that they wanted the direct approach; meaning, let them know they aren’t satisfying you and what they need to do to get you there. When I asked about introducing toys into the bedroom, only one man (who was not in a serious relationship) said, “No way”. Remember that men are MEN and they take pride in their ability to please a woman, therefore it is up to us to let them know what we need to make our experiences more pleasurable.
Once I felt comfortable with my man I told him about the difficulties I have in reaching an orgasm. This is no fault of his but there are things we both need to do so I can cum. Satisfaction is a big part of my sexual experience and with out being satisfied I don’t see how any relationship could last without infidelity. Tell your man what you need! If you want to try new positions, tell him you read my blog and I said positions X, Y,& Z were really good. I do not mind being your excuse for trying something new and pleasurable.
During intimacy if he does something that feels really good make sure you let him know with your sounds, grab his head, arms, butt, kiss him deeply, say “Damn”… do anything that says, “Yes, right there baby…” Now on the other end of the spectrum, if he is doing something that isn’t pleasing, just be quiet… don’t make a sound and try to guide him into a position that is more pleasing for you. When you are done tell him what you liked about your intimacy, what really felt good and he will remember your cues for the next encounter.
If this doesn’t work, then you may need to sit down and talk to him about your concerns. Wait until you are not in the bedroom, possibly the middle of the day and say “Hey Honey can we talk?” Make the issue totally about you so he doesn’t feel at fault, being sure to let him know what it is you need or what the problem is. See my conversation cues below.
How to address a man who cums too quick:
“I need to talk to you about our intimacy. It has always taken me a long time to reach orgasm, what do you think about looking into ways to extend our lovemaking so I can reach orgasm.”
Make it seem like it is your fault… I know it sounds crazy but… this way you are not hurting his ego while at the same time letting him know you are not satisfied.
How to address a man who just can’t hit your spot:
“Honey, I have always had a difficult time reaching orgasm, do you think we can try some different positions or possibly try some toys. I was readingTajahi’s blog and she made some suggestions that could help me reach orgasm”
Again, doing it this way makes it your fault, it’s totally about the fact that YOU can’t reach orgasm and NOT that he is doing anything wrong. This way you leave his ego intact and now you are experimenting with new ways to help you reach that wonderful “O”
I am a greedy woman when it comes to my orgasms; I love to have them and try to have as many as possible in single session. So if my man wants to try something new I am totally up for it and he listens to me when I say, “Hey… that didn’t work or… Damn, that Shit was the bomb.”
Ok so… now how do you introduce erotica and toys into the bedroom? I think with each situation it is different so know your man and think about what might be the best approach for you… but for now let me share with you what I did.
Very early in the relationship I let my man know I liked watching porn, fortunately he did too and I suggested we watch a few movies together. In my room I have books on display such as the
Kama Sutra, Tantric Secrets, Zane novels, Daily Sex, Position of the Day Playbook and many more. I have a statue replica of a sex position from the Khajuraho Temple in India, Honey Dust, feathers for foreplay and containers to conceal my Ben Wa Balls. Having these type of items in my room sets the tone for what I like. If you don’t currently have some type of erotic books or toys in your possession start purchasing some. I suggest you start with a book; leave it on the nightstand where he can see it. Again, tell him Tajahi told you that this was a good book for sexual positions and you wanted to read it. I guarantee you he will want to look at it with you and now you can begin discussing and experimenting with different positions that may be pleasurable for both of you.
While you are out running errands together or after a date, ask him to stop by the adult toy store. You can tell him you want to buy some lingerie to wear for him when you get home. While you are there, draw his attention to the toys. Walk around, look at them and see what his reaction is. Start out by buying something simple like pleasure gels, edible body paints, or some handcuffs. Every month go back to the store and try to graduate to a new toy that is a little more erotic. Going to the store with your man will spark conversation and it will give you a feel for what he is open to. Do not be scared to tell him what you would like to try… all he can do is say NO. You might find your man going to the store by himself and surprising you with new toys before long.
If your man is not open to pleasing you, you may want to take a step back and check your relationship. I strongly believe that if your man really likes you, he will be open to discussing your intimacy issues and be willing to make the needed changes to ensure your satisfaction. However, remember it is a two way street, you need to be open to him saying he needs changes from you as well.
In the meantime, Have Great Sex…. I will see you again next week with more of Tajahi’s Secrets. Smooches!!!
Lady Tajahi – firstname.lastname@example.org