How do you tell your man you aren't satisfied?

http://tajahisecrets.com

Every week I talk to my girls, getting a feel for what their issues are and what I need to talk about in my blog.  If you remember last week I mentioned that I would discuss some of the issues I had pointed out that women are having with their men.  Therefore, this week I not only talked to my girls, I talked to the men too.  I wanted to hear from them this time and get their take on how they would like to be approached when they are not pleasing their women in the bedroom.  Ladies I am telling you NOW… it is time for you to be heard.

I have been there, scared to say anything because I didn’t think it was appropriate or scared that if I said something, it might hurt my mans ego… but that was a long time ago.  Once I discovered how to have an orgasm during sex, I loved it and I spoke up anytime I felt like my man wasn’t doing enough to please me.  I spoke up anytime he didn’t last long enough, wasn’t hard enough, wasn’t placing it in the right place… I said something!  I know there will always be those times when there is an exception, he might be tired, it felt too good and he couldn’t hold it, or he was too excited, but when it happens too many times in a row, I SPEAK UP.  Men will always get theirs so it is up to us to let them know that we are not getting ours.  We women are difficult creatures and what might please one woman may not please another.  Men listen to our cues, how we sound, how we react, and if we don’t tell them we are not satisfied, that we aren’t reaching orgasm, how will they know.

What did the men say? I spoke with 5 different men and all of them told me that they wanted the direct approach; meaning, let them know they aren’t satisfying you and what they need to do to get you there.  When I asked about introducing toys into the bedroom, only one man (who was not in a serious relationship) said, “No way”.   Remember that men are MEN and they take pride in their ability to please a woman, therefore it is up to us to let them know what we need to make our experiences more pleasurable.

Once I felt comfortable with my man I told him about the difficulties I have in reaching an orgasm.  This is no fault of his but there are things we both need to do so I can cum.  Satisfaction is a big part of my sexual experience and with out being satisfied I don’t see how any relationship could last without infidelity.  Tell your man what you need!  If you want to try new positions, tell him you read my blog and I said positions X, Y,& Z were really good.  I do not mind being your excuse for trying something new and pleasurable.

During intimacy if he does something that feels really good make sure you let him know with your sounds, grab his head, arms, butt, kiss him deeply, say “Damn”… do anything that says, “Yes, right there baby…” Now on the other end of the spectrum, if he is doing something that isn’t pleasing, just be quiet… don’t make a sound and try to guide him into a position that is more pleasing for you.  When you are done tell him what you liked about your intimacy, what really felt good and he will remember your cues for the next encounter.

If this doesn’t work, then you may need to sit down and talk to him about your concerns.  Wait until you are not in the bedroom, possibly the middle of the day and say “Hey Honey can we talk?”  Make the issue totally about you so he doesn’t feel at fault, being sure to let him know what it is you need or what the problem is.  See my conversation cues below.

How to address a man who cums too quick:

“I need to talk to you about our intimacy.  It has always taken me a long time to reach orgasm, what do you think about looking into ways to extend our lovemaking so I can reach orgasm.”

Make it seem like it is your fault…  I know it sounds crazy but… this way you are not hurting his ego while at the same time letting him know you are not satisfied.

How to address a man who just can’t hit your spot:

“Honey, I have always had a difficult time reaching orgasm, do you think we can try some different positions or possibly try some toys.  I was readingTajahi’s blog and she made some suggestions that could help me reach orgasm”

Again, doing it this way makes it your fault, it’s totally about the fact that YOU can’t reach orgasm and NOT that he is doing anything wrong.  This way you leave his ego intact and now you are experimenting with new ways to help you reach that wonderful “O”

I am a greedy woman when it comes to my orgasms; I love to have them and try to have as many as possible in single session.  So if my man wants to try something new I am totally up for it and he listens to me when I say, “Hey… that didn’t work or… Damn, that Shit was the bomb.”

Ok so… now how do you introduce erotica and toys into the bedroom? I think with each situation it is different so know your man and think about what might be the best approach for you… but for now let me share with you what I did.

Position of the day Playbook

Very early in the relationship I let my man know I liked watching porn, fortunately he did too and I suggested we watch a few movies together.  In my room I have books on display such as the

Kama Sutra, Tantric Secrets, Zane novels, Daily Sex, Position of the Day Playbook and many more.  I have a statue replica of a sex position from the Khajuraho Temple in India, Honey Dust, feathers for foreplay and containers to conceal my Ben Wa Balls. Having these type of items in my room sets the tone for what I like.  If you don’t currently have some type of erotic books or toys in your possession start purchasing some.  I suggest you start with a book; leave it on the nightstand where he can see it.  Again, tell him Tajahi told you that this was a good book for sexual positions and you wanted to read it.  I guarantee you he will want to look at it with you and now you can begin discussing and experimenting with different positions that may be pleasurable for both of you.

While you are out running errands together or after a date, ask him to stop by the adult toy store.  You can tell him you want to buy some lingerie to wear for him when you get home.  While you are there, draw his attention to the toys.  Walk around, look at them and see what his reaction is.  Start out by buying something simple like pleasure gels, edible body paints, or some handcuffs.  Every month go back to the store and try to graduate to a new toy that is a little more erotic.  Going to the store with your man will spark conversation and it will give you a feel for what he is open to.  Do not be scared to tell him what you would like to try… all he can do is say NO.  You might find your man going to the store by himself and surprising you with new toys before long.

Side Note:

If your man is not open to pleasing you, you may want to take a step back and check your relationship.  I strongly believe that if your man really likes you, he will be open to discussing your intimacy issues and be willing to make the needed changes to ensure your satisfaction.  However, remember it is a two way street, you need to be open to him saying he needs changes from you as well.

In the meantime, Have Great Sex…. I will see you again next week with more of Tajahi’s Secrets.  Smooches!!!

“…Claim It”

Lady Tajahi – secrets@tajahi.com

http://tajahisecrets.com

http://ladytajahi.blogspot.com/

http://tajahi.wordpress.com/

Can a man with a small penis satisfy you?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Fellatio / Blow Job Basics

Tajahi's Secrets

On my way to meet a client, I get a phone call from my friend Gina…  “Taj, look….” she pauses for a minute, “My boyfriend wants me to…  you know… play in his lap…. and I just don’t want to, I just don’t enjoy it.  Every time I try it hurts my jaws and it takes him forever to cum.  I mean… I want to please him but I… I guess I just need some help.” 

Gina isn’t alone… there are a lot of women who don’t really enjoy fellatio and are just going through the motions to please their men or they have given up and are not doing it all…  The first thing I ask them is, “where are you doing it?” When a woman complains about her jaws hurting it is usually because she is in an awkward position… Porn stars make it look good and they make it look easy, but since we aren’t all porn stars performing for the camera we need to talk about your position. 

The Position:

There are many different positions you can perform Fellatio in but I have found that if you sit your man on the couch and you kneel in front him, between his knees, you are at a good angle to reduce some of the stress on your jaws as well as your neck.  This position gives you total control so you don’t have to worry about your man pushing beyond your limits.  You can rest your arms on his knees, thighs or stomach but I prefer that my hands are an active part of what I do, but I will come back to that later.   

Getting Started:

I always start with soft kisses on the stomach, then the base of his penis and then up his shaft to the tip… watch his penis jump as your kisses tease him.  Then from there you start the “make it wet” process.  His penis should be hard and erect but if it is isn’t, stand it up in front of you and use your tongue to lick from the top of his balls to the tip of his head.  Make it fun, look into his eyes, moan a little and pay attention to the expressions on his face.  If he is enjoying your tongue play, continue to tease him with that for a minute or so.  After this, take his head into your mouth and go down on his penis as far as is comfortable for you…. again remember you are making it wet so the more saliva you produce the easier it is on your jaws.  Don’t try to hold your saliva in your mouth, it is ok to let it drip, most men love this and this will make it easier for YOU to perform fellatio on your guy.  

You don’t have to Suck:

Some women think that you have to actually “suck” his penis but this isn’t true, men just like the feeling of your mouth on their penis and the motion of you moving their penis in and out of your mouth.  I like to keep him guessing… I never give steady strokes with my mouth… I switch between several deep bobs of my head to a few shallow ones, always keeping my tongue twirling around the front tip of his head.   

Making the “O”:

If my goal is to make him cum and he has not in the first few minutes, I will use my fingers to compensate.  I take my first finger and place it against my thumb and make an “O”, again keeping his penis very wet with my saliva, I slide my fingers, in this “O” formation, up and down his penis tightly as I suck.  Sometimes I will just play with his head, sucking only the tip while my fingers continue to stroke his shaft.  Don’t be scared to make some slurping sounds, I like to get a little sloppy with it.  Alternating between everything I have listed above, always keeping your tongue twirling on and around the front of his head, usually will make a man cum within five minutes.

Know your man:

If you know your man wipes out easily, meaning once he cums he’s done, don’t let him cum.  There is nothing worse than being hot and ready and your man is ready to go to sleep.  You can use oral sex as a means of getting started only and save his cum for the good stuff.  Pay attention to the signs your man gives, listen to his sounds as well as what his penis is doing while you suck it.  When you begin to feel his penis give off little vibrations it means he is enjoying your work and is close to cumming. 

Dip it:

Now let say your man doesn’t cum while you suck his dick no matter what you do but you want him to cum while sucking him.  Go ahead and have sex but tell your man that when he gets ready to cum you want him to take it out and cum in your mouth.  This takes some good timing.  If the man waits too late he could miss your mouth and make a mess of your hair but I have found that men like this and I find it rather erotic.  A bonus to doing this is most men will normally stay hard after their orgasm, which will allow you to keep going until he cums again…. I can just imagine all the pleasure you are having while he works up his next orgasm.

Tajahi’s Secret Tips: 

Some women say that they don’t enjoy the taste of their mans penis… it does just taste like skin in the beginning.  I like to sprinkle a little Honey Dust on and around his penis, it gives him a slightly sweet smell and taste, he will like the tickle of the feather duster as you apply the dust and he will love it when you begin to suck it off.  

Swallowing… for those of you who say they don’t want to swallow or would rather spit it out because they don’t like the taste… spitting it out is never the answer… when your man is cumming, take his penis as deep as possible into your mouth and hold it there.  As soon as your man cums begin to swallow and continue to swallow until he is done.  The taste buds on the back of your tongue are less sensitive and cannot detect the, sometimes, bitter taste of semen.  Where as if you spit it out, you let the semen hit the front of your tongue and the front of your tongue hold the more sensitive tastes buds and they pick up that bitter taste which can be just… ugh… Swallow it ladies, it tastes better that way and your man will love you for it. 

Side note:

Ladies look… it is very important that you enjoy what you are doing… I can give you all the advice in the world but if you don’t enjoy what you are doing my advice isn’t going to help.   Knowing that what I am doing is arousing my man arouses me.  I like it when I perform fellatio and my man holds my hair for me.  I love hearing his moans, taking in his scent and feeling the smooth skin of his penis against my lips.  I love to see my man squirm because he is enjoying what I am doing, all that turns me on.  It is important that you enjoy it… put on something comfortable and sexy.  Wear your favorite cologne, set the mood with soft music…. Feel Good!

“...Claim It”

Lady Tajahi http://tajahisecrets.com
http://ladytajahi.blogspot.com/
http://tajahi.wordpress.com/
http://twitter.com/ladytajahi

 

Why!

Tajahi’s Secrets is to allow adult women the ability to have an overall healthier sex life and experiences that are more pleasurable with their intimate partners. I have gathered information about sexual topics, issues, and accomplishment from women of diverse backgrounds, ages, and relationship status'. Tajahi's Secrets will provide an open forum for women to discuss their challenges, find solutions, let go of sexual hang ups and we will assist each other in getting past self-limiting thought processes that can limit sexual enjoyment. We will also discuss new and different ways to enhance your sexual pleasure.


My role is to give advice on sexual matters in an open discussion where women in the group, as well as on the blog, can discuss solutions or helpful tips. This is your opportunity to ask questions in a comfortable setting as well as share your experiences. The blog provides the ability to make comments and ask questions anonymously; I understand that anonymity is important.   I will also discuss the topics & questions with a panel of men to also get their advice in these matters. (Men will not be at the meetings and will be consulted after each meeting)

The initial group has already found these discussions to be beneficial when discussing intimacy with their partners.  The goal of Tajahi’s Secrets is for all women to have healthier, more pleasurable sexual experiences.   I do not claim to be a sexual therapist or certified doctor; I (Tajahi) am a woman who has found that many women have sexual issues and hope to provide a forum to help women feel more comfortable with themselves in order to enhance their sexual experiences.

If anyone would like to submit questions for the upcoming Party for Tajahi's Secrets, email them to secrets@tajahi.com

http://tajahisecrets.com

http://ladytajahi.blogspot.com/

http://tajahi.wordpress.com/

http://twitter.com/ladytajahi

Meet Lady Tajahi

During a girl’s night when the ladies were sitting around the table eating taco salad and drinking Moscato, my friends began to complain about sex with their husbands and boyfriends.... I am what you would call the freak in the bunch so when the complaints went on and I just sat there smiling their heads turned to me. "Taj, what are you smiling about?" asked Renee.  I continued to smile and began to tell them what I know and why I had no complaints....

This blog will be a forum for all (adult - mature) women who want to discuss and share their sexual issues and their sexual accomplishments.  This is NOT a place to advertise sex toys, videos or websites.  Nor is this a place to get relationship counseling.  I will give real advice/suggestions/solutions and am open to what every woman/man has to say... but ultimately this blog is for women who want to increase their sexual pleasure or overcome their sexual hang ups.

One thing I told my girls is you have to own your pleasure... take control...

I look forward to speaking with all of you... I would love for you to follow this blog but I understand the need for anonymity. I look forward to our discussions...

As a side note... I reserve the right to delete any comments that I feel are inappropriate and possibly hurtful to someone else.  Lets play nice and make this a positive forum for all women...

Taj