What Tantric Sex?

This weeks question came from one of my Tajahi Secrets Facebook Fans

Is that Tantric and Kama Sutra stuff real?

Kem

Girl…. Yes!!!!!

Both of these subjects are broad and I could talk forever answering them so I will touch on Tantric Sex on this blog and deal with the Kama Sutra (positions and techniques) on the next. 

What is Tantra?

Tantra originated in ancient India; its focus is on the enjoyment of sexual bliss through intimacy; the attention is on totally and spiritually connecting with your partner.

“Tantra is an ancient path of self-development that regards sexual energy as the primary manifestation of our life force.  This life force is a powerful current of energy that flows through us all…  Through Tantra, you can experience love and sex as a flowing together of energies”…. Cassandra Lorius

Tantra is a deep spiritual intimate endeavor, so I am going to give you my quick very non-mystic version of how I understand it. 

Tantric Sex is the essence of turning sex into a full body and total mind conscious experience.  Tantra teaches you to feel more sensual and connected, not only to yourself but to your partner, by taking the focus away from your sex organs… I know… what???  Don’t we want to focus our energy on the organs???  According to the Tantra, by focusing our energy away from the genitals, relaxing, relinquishing control and changing your erotic and sexual habits; you will bring that energy back in a more focused and meaningful way. 

Tantra takes the sexual techniques and various positions of the Kama Sutra a step further and focuses on a couple’s spiritual ecstasy with sensual and sexual bliss.  It is about the total surrender of mental, emotional, and cultural conditioning (i.e. Sex is a sin before marriage, I don’t want the kids to hear me have sex, or negative self body image).  Sexual energy is a totally positive experience and not something that should be suppressed. This means giving up every negative thought you have ever had about intimacy… and totally giving yourself to the moment.

Tantra teaches us ways to enter into a new awareness; we become more sexually empowered, more sexually fulfilled and the extended orgasms that both you and your man will experience in this state are mind blowingly explosive. 

Some of the basic Tantra Techniques are:

Start intimacy with a ritual:  This is your time to totally focus on each other; you can make up your own rituals but if you can’t think of anything try feeding each other sweet treats in the nude, share a glass of wine, or take a shower and bathe each other.  Take your time, enjoy being in the presence of each other, empty your mind of everything, and stay totally in the moment right there with your man. 

Breathing:  Sit quietly, facing each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. Sync your breathing with your man by taking soft deep breaths.  Totally focus on your partner and the peace you are feeling while allowing your sexual energy to build. 

Prolonged foreplay: It is important to totally connect with your partner with sensual massage, long loving gazes, light kisses (I love those), and whispering words of love and encouragement.  Experiment with different types of erotic touch, tell your man where you would like to be touched, take turns so he can tell you where he would like to be touched as well.  Totally focusing on helping each other feel loved and desired. 

Keep your pace slow: The slow build will help your man control his orgasm. The longer you build your sexual energy the longer your man should be able to resist having ejaculation during intimacy.

Come back to your breathing:  Slow focused breathing, slows the process of you reaching orgasm and allows your focus to be in the moment enjoying the feel of your man as he enjoys you.

Try different sexual positions:  Exploring during sex adds to the pleasure and balances both the male and female energies.  Try positions that are Male dominant as well as positions that are Female dominant, exploring the capacity to be both strong then gentle, giving then receiving.  (I will go more in depth about female and male dominant positions in the next blog)

When experimenting with the Tantra do not worry about the right and wrong of what you and your partner are doing… the focus should always be on the intimate connection and sexual arousal between you and your man.

Through Tantric practices, men are capable of orgasm without ejaculation.  What does that mean???  It allows men to stay erect and have a series of mini orgasms without ejaculation/releasing sperm, which prolongs the intimacy… How do we women benefit from this?  Well if he can have is his mini orgasms he can stay hard longer while we orgasm through G-spot and Clitoral stimulation.  The Tantra encourages men to have orgasms with out ejaculation while it encourage us women to orgasm as many times as possible. 

There is so much more to be said about the Tantra and it is definitely worth a try if you are looking for a more sensual and loving experience with your partner.  I am including more Tantra resource links below.  

Next week we will discuss the Kama Sutra…  Juicy Stuff Ladies…  Until then HAVE GREAT SEX.  Smooches…

“...Claim It”

Lady Tajahi – Secrets@ladytajahi.com

http://tajahisecrets.com

http://ladytajahi.blogspot.com/

http://tajahi.wordpress.com/

http://twitter.com/ladytajahi

http://tajahi.com

Related Tantra Links:

http://www.sexinfo101.com/is_tantricsex.shtml

http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip/43_love_tip.html

http://www.dinahproject.com/articles_view_details.asp?id=82

http://www.whitelotuseast.com/Tantra.htm

What is Squirting and can any woman do it?

I am always asking the Ladies to give me feedback on the blog and to inbox me their questions.  Last week I received an email that I would like to share with you as well as my answers to her questions:


The Question:
Hello Tajahi,

I have a question regarding squirting or gushing when I orgasm with my man. What is it and where does it come from?? Why can't some of my girls (besties) do it also??

Please let me know I would really appreciate any help on this subject. :D

Thanks,
Sexual Waterfall


What is Squirting/Gushing/Female Ejaculation?

Squirting/Gushing/Female Ejaculation is a woman’s ability to actually ejaculate fluid from the body during orgasm.  Squirting, Gushing and Female ejaculation are all the same thing.  It is called Squirting when a woman is able to actually push the fluid out and away from her body where as gushing is just that, a warm gush of fluid.


Many people seem to think that the fluid women ejaculate is urine but it isn’t.  It is clear and does not look or smell like urine.  According to Dr. Berman in her show with Oprah she explains the fluid as PSA (prostate-specific antigen).  Big words that basically mean the fluid comes the Paraurethral gland also called the Skene’s gland shown in the image to the left, but more importantly, it is NOT pee…  The very enlightening video (that I linked above so please watch it) also explains that all women ejaculate, just that for most women, the ejaculate does not come out, instead it retracts into the bladder.  The benefit of being able to squirt or gush is that those who can, experience a more intense orgasm than those who do not.


Is it possible for any woman to ejaculate?

For some woman female ejaculation is very easy and effortless, so the question is, can any woman ejaculate?  I will be honest and tell you I haven’t but according to my research any woman can ejaculate with practice.  Well all right then…  I am ready to practice, what about you?  So lets talk about some techniques.


First thing is you must know is where your G-spot is and how it feels… you can practice this with your man or on your own but you should know how it feels so you can explain it to your man in your own words.


Where is your G-spot?

The G-spot is located inside the vaginal canal.  I can find mine by inserting my finger, hooking it around and aiming for my clit from the inside.  It is normally only 2-3 inches inside the canal; the area is about the size of a quarter and enlarges with stimulation.  It will feel a bit rougher than the surrounding tissue; I think it feels like soft ridges or cottage cheese.  When pressure is applied to your G-spot you will feel sensation of needing to urinate.   As you can see from the diagram above, the G-spot is often considered the backend of your Clitoris.


Points to consider for ejaculation success

• Attempt to reach orgasm through G-spot massage.  Honestly, this is not something I can do on my own so I suggest having your man help you out…  I am sure he will be inquisitive and want to assist you in your attempts to ejaculate.   Men can stimulate the G-spot by hooking their finger/fingers and moving them with the “come here” motion of the fingertip.  Another massage is a twist of the finger knuckle back and forth across the G-spot area.  Experiment with different types of motions and go with the ones that are most arousing to you.
• You have to overcome your fear of urinating during your G-spot arousal… I am still working on this one.  The feeling can be overwhelming so ensuring you have emptied your bladder before you start helps.  You have to relax and go with the feeling in order to ejaculate.
• If there is too much pressure on the urethral tract the ejaculate will do what it normally does and empty into the bladder instead of squirting or gushing out.
• Put down a towel.  Since you do not know how much fluid you will release, it is best to protect your bed, couch, table… or whatever you are using.  This will also help you feel more comfortable knowing you won’t ruin whatever surface you might be on.

Now it is time for us to try to ejaculate
It is important to keep in mind that you may not ejaculate the first time you try and it may take several attempts before it happens.  With that said it is very important to get aroused… I like cuddling with my man, light kisses, touching arousal spots and something about face-to-face touching with my man makes me hot… but that’s me… so you do your thing.


Next, begin the G-spot massage… if you don’t have a man, use your own fingers or a toy.  A nice warm lubricated glass dildo is good for me.  It is easier to stimulate your G-spot if your toy is curved so check out this quick video explaining why.
G-spot stimulation and orgasm is key in reaching ejaculation so refer back to the information above in the “Where is your G-spot” section if you still aren’t sure where yours is.  Remember that if you are aroused the G-spot area will enlarge making it much easier to find.





If you and your man are using a toy or his fingers I suggest trying to stimulate your clit as well via his tongue or you can do it yourself with lubricated fingers… this intensifies the feeling and regardless if you squirt or not, you are bound to have a very strong orgasm from both the clitoral and G-spot stimulation.  I will just say this… when I have both areas stimulated… my orgasms are out of this world.  My man is often amazed at my reaction and how strong my orgasms can be.


Lastly and most importantly, when the time comes for you to orgasm, relax your PC muscles and push.  Yes, I said push…  It is normal for most of us to retract when we cum.  This last step will probably be the hardest but is also the most important because if you don’t push, you probably won’t ejaculate.  It is important to remember that the ejaculate is not pee and that once we relax and get past this fear, we are on the road to experiencing female ejaculation.

Tajahi's Secrets

This should be enough to get us started and to my new squirter friend, “Sexual Waterfall”, I hope this answered your questions.  I will include some links below for reference and will revisit this topic again soon; sharing the best positions for female ejaculation as well as other squirting techniques.  


If you would like to share your squirting experiences, please comment on the blog and help us practicing squirters out.


In the meantime, have fun practicing, HAVE GREAT SEX and see you next week when I share more of Tajahi’s Secrets…. smooches.





“...Claim It”
Lady Tajahi – Secrets@ladytajahi.com
http://tajahisecrets.com
http://ladytajahi.blogspot.com/
http://tajahi.wordpress.com/
http://twitter.com/ladytajahi
http://tajahi.com

Related Links:
http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/female_ejaculation.htm
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Dr-Laura-Berman-on-Female-Ejaculation-Video

How do you tell your man you aren't satisfied?

http://tajahisecrets.com

Every week I talk to my girls, getting a feel for what their issues are and what I need to talk about in my blog.  If you remember last week I mentioned that I would discuss some of the issues I had pointed out that women are having with their men.  Therefore, this week I not only talked to my girls, I talked to the men too.  I wanted to hear from them this time and get their take on how they would like to be approached when they are not pleasing their women in the bedroom.  Ladies I am telling you NOW… it is time for you to be heard.

I have been there, scared to say anything because I didn’t think it was appropriate or scared that if I said something, it might hurt my mans ego… but that was a long time ago.  Once I discovered how to have an orgasm during sex, I loved it and I spoke up anytime I felt like my man wasn’t doing enough to please me.  I spoke up anytime he didn’t last long enough, wasn’t hard enough, wasn’t placing it in the right place… I said something!  I know there will always be those times when there is an exception, he might be tired, it felt too good and he couldn’t hold it, or he was too excited, but when it happens too many times in a row, I SPEAK UP.  Men will always get theirs so it is up to us to let them know that we are not getting ours.  We women are difficult creatures and what might please one woman may not please another.  Men listen to our cues, how we sound, how we react, and if we don’t tell them we are not satisfied, that we aren’t reaching orgasm, how will they know.

What did the men say? I spoke with 5 different men and all of them told me that they wanted the direct approach; meaning, let them know they aren’t satisfying you and what they need to do to get you there.  When I asked about introducing toys into the bedroom, only one man (who was not in a serious relationship) said, “No way”.   Remember that men are MEN and they take pride in their ability to please a woman, therefore it is up to us to let them know what we need to make our experiences more pleasurable.

Once I felt comfortable with my man I told him about the difficulties I have in reaching an orgasm.  This is no fault of his but there are things we both need to do so I can cum.  Satisfaction is a big part of my sexual experience and with out being satisfied I don’t see how any relationship could last without infidelity.  Tell your man what you need!  If you want to try new positions, tell him you read my blog and I said positions X, Y,& Z were really good.  I do not mind being your excuse for trying something new and pleasurable.

During intimacy if he does something that feels really good make sure you let him know with your sounds, grab his head, arms, butt, kiss him deeply, say “Damn”… do anything that says, “Yes, right there baby…” Now on the other end of the spectrum, if he is doing something that isn’t pleasing, just be quiet… don’t make a sound and try to guide him into a position that is more pleasing for you.  When you are done tell him what you liked about your intimacy, what really felt good and he will remember your cues for the next encounter.

If this doesn’t work, then you may need to sit down and talk to him about your concerns.  Wait until you are not in the bedroom, possibly the middle of the day and say “Hey Honey can we talk?”  Make the issue totally about you so he doesn’t feel at fault, being sure to let him know what it is you need or what the problem is.  See my conversation cues below.

How to address a man who cums too quick:

“I need to talk to you about our intimacy.  It has always taken me a long time to reach orgasm, what do you think about looking into ways to extend our lovemaking so I can reach orgasm.”

Make it seem like it is your fault…  I know it sounds crazy but… this way you are not hurting his ego while at the same time letting him know you are not satisfied.

How to address a man who just can’t hit your spot:

“Honey, I have always had a difficult time reaching orgasm, do you think we can try some different positions or possibly try some toys.  I was readingTajahi’s blog and she made some suggestions that could help me reach orgasm”

Again, doing it this way makes it your fault, it’s totally about the fact that YOU can’t reach orgasm and NOT that he is doing anything wrong.  This way you leave his ego intact and now you are experimenting with new ways to help you reach that wonderful “O”

I am a greedy woman when it comes to my orgasms; I love to have them and try to have as many as possible in single session.  So if my man wants to try something new I am totally up for it and he listens to me when I say, “Hey… that didn’t work or… Damn, that Shit was the bomb.”

Ok so… now how do you introduce erotica and toys into the bedroom? I think with each situation it is different so know your man and think about what might be the best approach for you… but for now let me share with you what I did.

Position of the day Playbook

Very early in the relationship I let my man know I liked watching porn, fortunately he did too and I suggested we watch a few movies together.  In my room I have books on display such as the

Kama Sutra, Tantric Secrets, Zane novels, Daily Sex, Position of the Day Playbook and many more.  I have a statue replica of a sex position from the Khajuraho Temple in India, Honey Dust, feathers for foreplay and containers to conceal my Ben Wa Balls. Having these type of items in my room sets the tone for what I like.  If you don’t currently have some type of erotic books or toys in your possession start purchasing some.  I suggest you start with a book; leave it on the nightstand where he can see it.  Again, tell him Tajahi told you that this was a good book for sexual positions and you wanted to read it.  I guarantee you he will want to look at it with you and now you can begin discussing and experimenting with different positions that may be pleasurable for both of you.

While you are out running errands together or after a date, ask him to stop by the adult toy store.  You can tell him you want to buy some lingerie to wear for him when you get home.  While you are there, draw his attention to the toys.  Walk around, look at them and see what his reaction is.  Start out by buying something simple like pleasure gels, edible body paints, or some handcuffs.  Every month go back to the store and try to graduate to a new toy that is a little more erotic.  Going to the store with your man will spark conversation and it will give you a feel for what he is open to.  Do not be scared to tell him what you would like to try… all he can do is say NO.  You might find your man going to the store by himself and surprising you with new toys before long.

Side Note:

If your man is not open to pleasing you, you may want to take a step back and check your relationship.  I strongly believe that if your man really likes you, he will be open to discussing your intimacy issues and be willing to make the needed changes to ensure your satisfaction.  However, remember it is a two way street, you need to be open to him saying he needs changes from you as well.

In the meantime, Have Great Sex…. I will see you again next week with more of Tajahi’s Secrets.  Smooches!!!

“…Claim It”

Lady Tajahi – secrets@tajahi.com

http://tajahisecrets.com

http://ladytajahi.blogspot.com/

http://tajahi.wordpress.com/

Can a man with a small penis satisfy you?

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